Sleezy the Fox Play Read online

creature who never puts a foot wrong and always gets what he goes after, Sleezy became so cocky and conceited in his nightly exploits that he decided to even up the odds and heighten his excitement factor. In order to give the farmers a slim chance of catching him and of putting a bit of a buzz back into his life, Sleezy started to announce his presence to both farmer and chickens that he was coming as soon as he emerged from the woodland’s edge.”

  The curtain is raised to reveal the scene outside a farmhouse. It is midnight. Close to the farm house stands the chicken coop. In the distance across the farmer’s field is the woodland where Sleezy lives. As the moon comes out, Sleezy the Fox emerges from the woodland’s edge. He is on the lookout for feathered chicken to steal for his supper and sees the chicken coop in the distance beyond the farmer’s sheep pens.

  Sleezy the Fox: (Looking at the chicken coop in the distance) “Ah-ah! Yummy, yummy! Feathered chicken! I love feathered chicken. Finger-licking feathered chicken and not a farmer in sight!”

  However, instead of sneaking up on the feathered chickens and stealing one for his supper, Sleezy decides to live more dangerously and give the farmer a bit of a chance. He cups both front paws and raises them to his mouth to use them as a loud speaker to magnify the volume of his voice.

  (Loud Yell) “Chucky, Chucky, Chucky. Get yourselves ready. Sleezy’s hungry for his favourite supper and is coming to get you n......o.....w!”

  The chickens would be stricken with fear whenever they heard the fox as they knew that soon, one of them would be eaten as his supper. They would cluck and duck and dive, and make such a racket that the farmer would be roused from his bed and know that a prowling fox was near his coop. Minutes later, the half-dressed starry-eyed farmer would be standing in front of the coop holding a double barrelled shotgun, which he would proceed to load. Seeing Sleezy the Fox in the distance, the farmer points his gun at Sleezy, who is laughing at him.

  Sleezy the Fox: “What are you playing at farmer? You couldn’t hit a barn door at ten paces with that old blunderbuss, you old sourpuss. Ha, Ha, Ha.”

  Farmer Brown: “Who’s there? Show yourself clearly, you....you thieving vermin and I’ll blow your head off. ”

  Sleezy the Fox: “Here I am, Buster, over here by the woodland’s edge, you old codger!”

  The angry farmer spying Sleezy, fires both barrels at the fox, who has cleverly positioned himself just out of range. As the farmer reloads both barrels of his shotgun, Sleezy starts his run across the field towards the chicken coop. He knows that if he runs as fast as his legs will carry him, he can reach the coop in 8 seconds. He also estimates that it takes the farmer 9 seconds to reload both barrels of his shotgun and to fire the first round again. Sleezy sets off running and times it so perfectly, that as the farmer loads the second barrel and is just about to take aim and fire at the fox, Sleezy runs past him and knocks him to the ground. The fox then enters the chicken coop, grabs the fattest chicken in his mouth and on the run back, as the farmer gets to his unsteady legs, Sleezy knocks him down again as he runs past. By the time the angry farmer gets to his feet and discharges both barrels of his shotgun at Sleezy, the fox is out of range. The farmer is furious and starts to jump up and down in anger waving his fists at the fox.

  Farmer Brown: (Angry voice and fist waving) “Show your thieving face ‘round here again, you thieving vermin and... and..... I’ll...blow your head off”

  Sleezy the Fox: “You’ll never get close enough to blow my head off, Buster, than you are now. You’re out of range, Buster, and way out of your class if you think you’ll ever catch me. You’ll not catch me. None of you will ever come close to catching me because I’m too smart for you all. I’m Sleezy, the cleverest fox in the whole wide world. Thank you fattening up my feathered supper, Plonker! Bye.”

  As the angry farmer jumps up and down in anger, across the field Sleezy starts to dance around in glee as he sings a song of triumph.

  After the song has been sung by Sleezy, the fox picks up the feathered chicken in his mouth and departs into the woodland. The curtain descends and as the actors prepare for the next scene, the Narrator appears before curtain to address the audience once more.

  Act One: Scene Three

  The Narrator: “Just to add insult to injury, Sleezy the Fox would often rob from the same farm on two consecutive nights, just to keep them on their toes. Like all proficient burglars, Sleezy knew that the most professional thieves often hit the same house twice, when they least expected it!”

  “Over the following months, every single farmer within a 20-mile radius of Sleezy’s woodland den fell foul of the fox’s clever-chicken stealing raids. Whenever Sleezy wasn’t hungry and wanted a bit of fun at the expense of some silly sheep, he would simply find a flock of fat sheep and chase them round and around until the slowest and most exhausted among them fell down dead. The death of the slowest sheep would usually signify the end of that game.”

  “Sleezy loved the taste of feathered chicken too much to ever forgo the taste at supper time. Suppertime for the fox just wasn’t like supper time without feathered chicken to devour before sleep. As for the sheep, he considered their meat inferior. He never ate them; merely killed an odd one every now and then when he got bored with the tedium of life and wanted a bit of a buzz.”

  “Eventually, the fox’s chicken raids and sheep-killing exploits began to blight the lives of the Transylvanian farmers so much for miles around, that the Mayor of the village decided to call a special meeting in the Grand Hall, where everyone present would discuss how to stop the fox. Everyone in the village attended, including the newcomer, Farmer Hans, his wife Gretta and their seven children.”

  The curtain is raised to reveal the crowded scene of the Grand Hall where the villages are awaiting the Mayor of Marfield to open the meeting and discussion. The parents and adults occupy the centre floor while children play quietly around the side.

  The Mayor: “Gather round good people, one and all, gather round. I’ve asked you here so we can decide what’s to be done about this thieving fox and sheep killer that is known by the name of Sleezy. What’s to be done, that’s the question; what’s to be done?”

  Gilbert Grim: (An overweight and loud-mouthed farmer) “What’s to be done? What’s to do, you ask? There’s only one thing to do or my name’s not Gilbert Grim, the finest fox catcher this village has ever had! I’ll tell you what to do. We catch the blighter and hack off all his feet for starters. That’ll soon cut him down to size. He’ll not outrun us as easily then, I’ll wager!”

  A voice from the Crowd: “Hark at the Fat Farmer! Look who’s talking about ‘cutting down to size’. If you exercised more and fed your face less, you wouldn’t look like a tub of lard on the turn!”

  Rest of the Crowd: (Gentle laughter and mirth at Gilbert’s expense).

  Gilbert Grim: (Angry voice and fist waving) “Who said that? Show yourself, you snivelling wretch and I’ll hack your feet off also!”

  The Mayor: “Stop this bear biting and unseemly name calling instantly and let’s get on with what we’re here to do! I hear what Gilbert Grim says, and as the farmer with more fox’s feet beneath his belt than any other here, his contribution is most welcome.”

  “However, Farmer Grim, saying is one thing, but doing’s another! That’s why I called this special meeting. That’s why we’re all here. This fox is no ordinary fox to be snared easily. This fox is so clever that it’s stolen from every farmer here, including you!”

  Gilbert Grim: “He only stole once from my place when I was laid up sick with a bad stomach ache.”

  Voice from the Crowd: “You’d take less to your bed if you took less to your gut!”

  Rest of the Crowd: (Gentle laughter and mirth at Gilbert’s expense).

  Gilbert Grim: (Loud and threatening tone of voice) “Who said that? Show yourself, you snivelling sniper and I’ll flatten you!”

  The Mayor: (Authoritive voice) “Enough! Enough of this constant jibing and bickering. Now let’s have more
serious suggestions of how to catch this fox and fewer jibes at Farmer Grim’s body mass index!”

  Tillie Tyler: “Let’s post a reward for its capture, Mr Mayor; a high enough reward to attract the attention of any busy farmer or bounty hunter in the land. It’s common knowledge that every cup of tea goes down quicker with a sweetener to soothe the palate.”

  The Mayor: “What a wonderful idea, Tillie. Perhaps money may do the trick. How about a hundred Crowns from community funds as a sweetener?”

  Gimme More: “If a hundred be a sweetener, Mr Mayor, then I say let’s play safe and sugar the tooth. I say, make it three hundred Crowns!”

  The Mayor: “Ehm....three hundred?”

  Gimme More: “Better still, make it four hundred Crowns, Mr Mayor. For such an amount, we’ll attract hunters from all over Transylvania and have the fox caught far sooner.”

  Joe Evens: “I propose we round the reward figure up to an even five hundred Crowns, Mr Mayor; that’s what I say! I’ve never heard of so high a reward for the capture of any wild creature. Such an amount will get every farmer and hunter out for the kill and keep them on the hunt until the fox is caught!”

  The Mayor: “Let’s put it to the vote, everyone. Hands up for Tillie Tyler’s proposal of a hundred