Sleezy the Fox Play Read online

Tillie’s proposal that the man who caught the fox becomes both judge and jury of its fate. Hands up, now!”

  Everyone in the Grand Hall puts up their hands in support of Tillie Tyler’s proposal, except Gilbert Grim.

  The Mayor: “That looks pretty much unanimous to me.”

  Gilbert Grim: “No, it’s not unanimous. What about those against the proposal?”

  The Mayor: “Okay Gilbert, ok. Hands up, anyone against Tillie Tyler’s proposal. Hands up now! ”

  Gilbert Grim is alone in putting up his hand.

  The Mayor: “I declare the proposal to have been overwhelmingly carried. Farmer Hans, would you please tell us what you think we should do with the fox, as its ultimate fate now rests with your good self, neighbour?”

  All the Rest of the Villagers: “Yes, Farmer Hans, please tell us what you think.”

  Farmer Hans moves to the front to address the crowd and stands on a platform where he can be seen and heard by all assembled.

  Farmer Hans: (Stands silently for a few moments while he collects his thoughts) “It.....it seems to me that though this caged creature has greatly wronged almost all of you here, there is still in the back of my mind the nagging question of just ‘how wrong’ the fox has been.”

  “The more I’ve considered this question, the more I’ve become convinced that this fox does not deserve to die! It seems to me that this fox only did what any wild fox finds natural to do; steal feathered chickens from farmhouses and pester flocks of sheep. That is, after all, only to be expected from a wild fox! That is, after all, what he’s been taught to do. That is, after all, what all wild foxes are taught to do! In truth, He’s never been taught to do anything else. What the fox needs is ‘a second chance’, good neighbours.”

  Gilbert Grim: (Interrupts angrily) “‘A second chance’ you say. You have the brass nerve to stand there bare-faced and ask that we give this thieving vermin ‘a second chance’! Tell me stranger....who gives us a ‘second chance’ if we’re caught killing and thieving?”

  “Why...... (Spluttering and frothing at the mouth)...you’ve got a brass nerve to say, ‘it’s only natural’ for the fox to steal. It’s vermin, that’s what it is! It’s a thief! It’s a killer and the only natural justice it deserves from us is to instantly snuff it out and dispatch it from this world to prevent it killing and stealing anymore. That’s what’s natural!”

  A Voice from the Crowd: “Tell ‘em Gilbert. Tell ‘em the ‘grim truth’. We should kill the fox before it kills again!”

  Beezy Body: “But if we do as Farmer Hans advises and release the fox; if we decide to spare its life, won’t it kill again as Gilbert Grim points out?”

  Farmer Hans: “Listen, good people. I ask you to lend me both your ears and your hearts as I tell you what I genuinely feel to be right and proper. Yes, it is part of a wild fox’s nature to kill and steal. However, never forget that we are human and the fox is wild. Do not allow it to escape your mind, that being human, we ought to know better than this caged creature. Indeed, is not the very thing that defines our humanity and distinguishes us from this wild fox our capacity to feel compassion and our brains to fathom reason?”

  “Does not your reasoning tell you that the young behave as adults as their parents taught them to be as children? I wonder what this wild fox’s parents taught it to be! Doesn’t all of our reasoning tell us it is wrong to kill out of punishment or revenge? Does not your compassion tell you that everyone and everything in this life deserves ‘a second chance’?”

  Gilbert Grim: “Second chance! There you go again. I wouldn’t give this vermin a second longer to breathe the same air as us. Release the wild fox and it will only kill and steal again!”

  Farmer Hans: “Neighbours; I ask you most earnestly to release the fox into my sole charge and I’ll teach it not to kill or steal again. On that, you have my word.”

  Gilbert Grim: (Spluttered response) “You......you can’t teach old fox new tricks, stranger! What self-respecting fox can be converted into vegetarian? Release it and you have my word it will surely kill and steal again.”

  A Voice from the Crowd: “Aye, that sounds true. A wild fox will never lose its taste of fowl when it sees and smells feathered chicken. They can’t be tamed or turned into veggies. It can’t be done!”

  Farmer Hans: “I remember that voice. Did you not doubt me before, at first when I told you that I’d catch the fox? And did you not laugh behind my back with the others when you saw me move my chicken coop away from the farmhouse and into the middle of my open field? You were wrong to doubt me then, and I tell you most truly, you’ll be proved wrong if you doubt me now! Release the wild fox into my care and control and I’ll teach it not to kill or to steal.”

  The Mayor: “I say that only a fool doubts the capacity of a man to keep his word if there is no evidence of it never having been found wanting or broken. I say we release the fox into his charge. After all, wasn’t he the only one among us clever enough to catch this fox? Perhaps a man who was clever enough to catch this fox is also clever enough to teach it not to kill or steal. Hands up all who agree.”

  All except Gilbert Grim raise their hands and then move to pat Farmer Hans on the back. Sleezy the Fox is then released from his cage and after being leashed, the fox is handed over to Farmer Hans. Sleezy the Fox smiles broadly and breaks out into a celebratory song.

  Sleezy the Fox: (Sings a song of freedom)

  “Thank you, thank you and thank you

  for having set me free.

  Thank you, thank you and thank you

  for having believed in me.

  After Sleezy has sung his song of freedom, he is led from the stage by Farmer Hans and the curtain comes down as the final scene is being prepared. The Narrator addresses the audience before curtain.

  Act Two: Scene Three

  The Narrator: “During the years that followed, the circumstances of both Sleezy the Fox and mine dramatically altered. Throughout this whole period of time, Farmer Hans proved to be as good as his word. All the chicken stealing and sheep killing stopped and the wild fox was taught to change his ways. Having a kind and gentle master like Farmer Hans, it was only natural for Sleezy the Fox to become kinder and gentler also.”

  “Farmer Hans was a great believer in the value of ‘second chances’. Indeed, if it hadn’t been for this belief and the ‘second chance’ he gave me when I most needed it, I wouldn’t be the man and respected Magistrate I am today.”

  “You see, good people, I haven’t always been and appeared as you see me today. Once I was much different; a much different creature with a nastier nature than I now possess. I was, in short, a bully who liked to hurt; a loud mouth and grossly overweight bully farmer called Gilbert Grim!”

  “Ah, yes! I can see you gaze at this fine upstanding specimen of human decency before you and think, ‘the man takes us as fools to believe such obvious lies’, but alas you would be wrong to so deceive yourselves. Not all Magistrates were born honest, you know, with unblemished backgrounds and spotless histories. We’ve all been there, you know; seen it - done it and got the t-shirt. Most of us honest men today are poacher turned gamekeeper. Without ‘second chances’ none of us would ever have got off first base!”

  “After Farmer Hans caught Sleezy the Fox, his reputation as the cleverest fox catcher in Transylvania rapidly spread far and wide. Overnight, he assumed my previous role as best fox catcher in the village.”

  “I was in turn both angry and jealous of this stranger who found it effortless to gain the rest of the villagers' affection without the need of either asking for it or expecting it. I couldn’t understand how this immigrant without two brass farthings to rub together, could build up the best flock of sheep and herd of livestock in the village in such a short space of time. Everything he did seemed to usurp my position in the villagers' eyes.”

  “The more I grew to dislike Farmer Hans, the more popular a neighbour he seemed to become to all other villagers. I became more envious and bitter a
nd as my anger grew, I became determined to reverse his good fortune and drive him into destitution and out of the village. Towards these ends, I stole his entire flock of sheep and sold them. Alas, I was discovered and undone, and was sent to serve six months' hard labour in prison before being released back into the community as an ex-jailbird.”

  “Upon my prison release, I hit rock bottom. I found in my absence that having been a feared and bullying neighbour all my life, I wasn’t a much-liked or greatly-missed person when I was sent to prison. I naturally assumed that in my absence, my farming neighbours would visit me and keep an eye on my homestead, but how wrong I was in that assumption. Not only did they not visit me once, they never missed my presence and completely ignored my homestead and livestock in my six months' absence.”

  “Upon prison release, I found that I’d lost all; farm, livestock, friends, job, livelihood and position in the village. With no prospects or means of support, I was treated worse than an unwelcomed immigrant with a large family of child dependents and was run out of town as they cheered at my downfall and pelted me with rotten fruit and cabbages. Only Farmer Hans refused to be a party to this goings on.”

  “For many months after I’d been run out of the village, I lived rough and stole turnips from my neighbours'